What Hurts the Most
by Daughter of Klaus
Summary: I saw her hesitate and slowly lean down; I closed my eyes as she got closer. Then finally our lips connected I felt pure happiness for the first time in a long time.


I don't own Sonny With a Chance so no copyright is intended. And I own all rights to the plot of this story.

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><p>I sat in my empty house, the rain pouring down outside matching my mood. I heard the crash of the lightening in the distance. Tears trickled down my cheeks ever so slowly. It has been two months since she left, she left me for him. Two months since my heart was shattered. Two months since I left this house, two months since I've seen the light of day.<p>

I've become nocturnal. Sleep during the day, and stay awake at night. If you look at me you'll never recognize me. I've changed dramatically since she left. I didn't want anything to remind me of her. So I died my hair from golden blonde to a now midnight black. So if I do see light I can't see the blonde hair that she loved to mess up making me mad. It would bring me too many memories.

I can tell you now though without looking that my eyes are no longer their deep ocean blue their dull and lifeless just like me.

As, the rain continued to pour outside I trudged over to the bathroom and solemnly took off my shirt followed by my other clothes. I glanced in the mirror my dark naked frame reflecting back to me. A gentle tear slipped from my eye, I quickly wiped it away. I turned my way towards the tub and turned on the cold water. When the tub was at least three inches full of water, I climbed in. I rested both hands on the edge of the tub and lowered myself in.

I shivered as the ice water collided with my skin. I leaned my head on the wall as the bathtub continued to fill. When it felt full enough I reached over and shut the water off. Leaning back I rested my head back against the wall. I closed my eyes holding back tears that threatened to fall and slid under the water letting it engulf me.

I held my breath as I looked at the ceiling through the water. I felt my lungs fighting me to come up for air, but I stayed in my spot. I closed eyes focusing on my breath. My body stopped fighting me; after a few seconds I came up taking in a deep breath, then I started coughing and gasping for breath.

As soon as I caught my breath I grabbed the bar soap and scrubbed my body. When I finished I stood up soap bubbles falling down my chest and into the soapy water. I drained the tub watching the water do down the drain. When all the water was gone, I turned on the shower. This time with cold water off and the hot water fully on. After a while the water changed from cold to warm, then hot, then steaming, then boiling hot.

I let out a piercing scream as the water scolded my skin. The tears I was holding back fell. The scolding water continued to hit my skin making my tears come faster. I turned around so the water was hitting my back. I closed my eyes and absorbed the pain.

After a while I felt myself falling. I fell to the floor of the tub the heat getting to my head. I turned the water off. My stomach started to churn I was getting dizzy. I quickly jumped out of the shower and ran to the toilet. I leaned over it as all the contents and more exited my stomach and came out my mouth.

I felt the acid from my stomach on the throat making it burn. I hugged the toilet close to me as vomit continued to escape. When I finished I collapsed to the floor, sobs shaking my fragile fame.

After a few minutes I stood up, flushed the toilet, and drained the tub. Not bothering to grab a towel I walked the familiar path to my room. Once again I looked in the mirror my skin was a lobster red color and really hot when I touched it. I turned around and glanced at my back. Fresh heat blisters where all over it, from this shower and previous ones.

"What has she made me become?" I asked my reflection, fresh tears falling as I looked at my ugly naked form.

Shaking my head I walked to my drawer and picked out a random pair of boxers. I glanced over at my balcony the rain was still pouring down. Forgetting about my shirt and pants, I walked over towards the double doors leading outside.

When I stood in front of them I rested my hand against the glass. I could feel the coldness from the rain on my palm and fingertips. I moved my other hand down to the latch that locked the doors and quickly unlocked them. I turned the handles of both the doors and pushed them open.

The cold rain hit my bare chest. I stepped outside and let the rain hit me harder. This was one of the first times I've gone outside in what felt like forever.

I looked up at the sky the rain splashing on my face. I felt like this was my second home. My home away from home. I spread my arms out and started spinning in circles. I felt something tugging at my lips; I parted my lips showing my teeth a little. I felt my stomach getting a little queasy and stopped moving. When I looked straight ahead I saw I smile reflecting back at me for the mirror in the distance.

I felt happy for the first time since the break up. I turned around towards the road looking out into the distance. I stood there still in one spot. Few minutes passed when I saw a car drive by I squinted my eyes at the sudden image of light. Gasping I quickly ran back into my old room and shut the doors and closed the blinds. All thoughts of her quickly came rushing back to me.

Before I could reminisce, I hugged my stomach and ran towards the bathroom. I started coughing and gagging then I threw-up but this time I didn't throw up food I threw up acid and blood. I didn't even think about looking in the toilet after I finished throwing up because I knew it wasn't going to be pretty.

I quickly stood up, wiped my mouth, and flushed the toilet. I slowly stood up and advanced my way towards the kitchen. When I got there I put both hands on the counter. Looking around the room I spotted the knife holder. I don't know why, but I felt some sort of gravitational pull towards it. I reached my hand out and picked up the sharpest knife I could see. I brought my fingers to the blade of the knife and touched it.

"Ouch!" I snapped pulling my finger from the blade; an inch long cut was on my index finger. One drop of blood slid down my finger and into my palm where it stopped. I slowly brought my injured finger to my lips and sucked on it. I tasted the fresh blood in my mouth. It was salty but sweet, bitter but flavorful at the same time. It was indescribable. I felt my body yearning more. I wanted to see it I wanted to taste it. I needed it.

Quickly I turned over my arm. I brought the blade up to my pale skin and pressed it down. I held it there for a few seconds taking in a deep breath. Then slowly I dragged it along my forearm, my hand shaking causing the cut to become jagged and crooked. Blood seeped out of the cut and dripped off my arm. I felt a sinister smile crawl up on my lips.

I looked at the knife and brought the blade back to my arm and made another cut but faster this time. I felt the pain of the scar shoot through my body like a rocket. I felt the pain in my heart slowly go away only to come shooting back at me full force. Tears spilled from my eyes as the pain came racing back to me.

I felt my chest heaving as it went up and down. I brought the knife back and sliced my other arm this time. I swapped arms everyone and a while cutting myself again and again and again... I felt my body shaking; I felt cold inside and out. I threw the knife across the bloody floor and brought my knees to my chest hugging them close to me.

The smell of metallic hit my nose and caused me to start coughing and gagging. I hugged my stomach; I knew I didn't have enough time to run to the bathroom so I crawled on all fours and threw up. Just like last time except now I couldn't stop.

When I finally did stop I collapsed onto the floor gasping for air. I slowly turned myself over so I could lie on my back as I breathed slowly in and out, in and out...

Looking around the room from my position I could see my cell phone on the counter on the island. I slowly leaned forward I quickly closed my eyes dizziness overtaking over me. After a few minutes I slowly stood up and grabbed my cell. As was holding down the power button, I started to lose my balance I grabbed the sink and a plate that was on the counter and held on to them, but ended up falling anyways the plate shattering on the hard ground.

I screamed as I huge ceramic shard got stuck in my leg. I screamed again as I pulled the piece of plate out of my leg. Tears fell down my cheeks as I curled back up in my little ball this time I was a bloody mess. I heard a roar of thunder in the back ground in the distance as I sobbed my heart out.

I looked at the phone my eyes becoming droopy and my sight going blurry. When it showed me the main screen I went to dial and called a number I knew by heart.

"Hello, Sonny Munroe speaking," I heard her cheery voice say through the speaker. I took a sharp intake of breath.

"S-sonny itsChad," I stuttered trying to take control of my voice.

"Oh HeyChad, what's up?" I heard her speak.

"Can you come over to my house, please?" I managed to ask.

"Sure I'll be there in fifteen," she said curiosity in her voice.

"Okay, but you have to use the spare key I gave you," I whispered, quiet tears trailing down my face.

"Okay. Su-" her voice was then cut off by the phone dying. Angry I threw it across the room and heard it slam into a wall.

I curled back into my ball, closing my eyes as I awaited her arrival. As I waited I finally heard the front door open.

I heard the click of her heels on the floor as they wondered about the house. I heard a quick gasp then the sound of her running towards me as she got to the kitchen. When I finally opened my eyes I saw her I broke into sobs.

She looked so beautiful. Her natural chestnut brown curls hanging on her shoulders. Her sparkling chocolate eyes. Her smooth soft lips that mine longed to touch one more time. Then I remembered she had someone else, another guy. She didn't need me; I was surprised she was even here.

As she kneeled down next to me, I jumped on her and I cried into her chest breathing in her sent. I smelled not only her sent but his as well. I let out a sheepish sob as I snuggled closer trying to find a spot that didn't have him on it.

As I continued my slow search I felt the familiar burn in my stomach. I quickly pushed her away from me as I toppled over and threw up. When I finished I collapsed onto the floor. I felt Sonny's soft hands grab my head and rest it on her lap. I found my spot the spot where his sent wasn't at; the spot know one could be but me in this moment of time.

I rolled over and looked up at her my eyes feeling extremely heavy.

"I just wanted to say that I love you, I always have," I whimpered out, grabbing her hand and placing it on my stomach. I took my hand and slowly played with her fingers like most kids do when their three.

She started stroking my hair as a whole other sobbing fit erupted from me.

"I love you too," she said, but I knew she was just saying it so I could be happy.

As I continued to lie there, I felt myself growing closer to the end. I felt myself lifting up, becoming lighter, and disappearing

"Kiss me please," I stated.

I saw her hesitate and slowly lean down; I closed my eyes as she got closer. Then finally our lips connected I felt pure happiness for the first time in a long time. As she pulled away my eyes remained closed I couldn't open them and I knew that was the end.

"Goodbye," I whispered, taking in a small breath and lying down on my death bed.

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><p>"I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house<br>That don't bother me...

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though  
>Goin' on with you gone still upsets me<br>There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay  
>But that's not what gets me<p>

What hurts the most  
>Was being so close<br>And havin' so much to say  
>And watchin' you walk away<p>

And never knowin'  
>What could've been<br>And not seein' that lovin' you  
>Is what I was tryin' to do<p>

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go  
>But I'm doin' it...<br>Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret  
>But I know if I could do it over<br>I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
>That I left unspoken"<br>~ Rascal Flatts, "What Hurts the Most" 

If I get ten reviews by next week I might just make a chapter for this in Sonny's POV...


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